Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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