So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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