He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
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He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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