I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
