I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
