i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
