i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize