Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
