As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
