god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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