Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
