Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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