Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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