My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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