we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
