Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
