So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
