So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The air was thick with penises
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
