he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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