I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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