Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
