I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
