im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
