Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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