I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am puke
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
