she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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