Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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