I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
