he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
