Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.