Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.