i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence