i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
