It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
