Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
