i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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