So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
