wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You smell like stripper and shame
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
