fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
