Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
