Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
