I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
