it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
