i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
