tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
