I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
