Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
