I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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