i jhust puked up my retainher.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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