I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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