Did you just see the Batmobile???
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
and you fell through a lawn chair
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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