Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
