It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
