...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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