She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize