Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
