I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
