You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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