4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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